I’m going to share some of the methods and a few easy tricks for increasing your social proof and mystery quotient. Including how to remember people’s names, how to turn cockiness into charisma, 4 easy tips that makes you seem much more genuine, how to talk about what you do, how to make a very memorable impression when meeting women, how to get invited and how to get on guest list.
Being invited to swanky parties and events is easier in this day of age now than ever before, go on Facebook or LinkedIn and join the groups in our city related to the following.
- Professional Networking
Initially you may have to pay the minimal cover charge, consider this an investment in your social proof. As you get to know the organizers better they will hook you up. Initially you may not know anyone at the events, this is ok, go anyway bring a friend if you have someone who will go with you.
Get on guest list
Guest list is primarily a tool that event marketers use to get people in the door. Shot the event marketer a text message, email or social media message asking…
Who do I need to sweet talk to get on guest list?
Obviously its them and in my experience the vast majority of the time they are happy to hook you up. Ask for at least a +4 on guest list. That way you can invite you friends (who don’t know the way this system works) and tell them to drop your name at the door. This is another great way of increasing social proof.
There are instances when a guest list is not a marketing tool and when the door cover is major revenue center for the event organizers. In these cases you should just pay the cover to show your support for the event or contact the event organizer about getting involved, more on this below.
Be involved with the event, marginally
Being the primary coordinator of an event or party is a pain in the ass & takes a lot of work. Instead look for events or parties that you can get involved in marginally as a sponsor of some sort, host or affiliate promoter. Being involved immediately gives you higher authority at the event. When people ask about your involvement insist that you are no one important, even though it’s obvious that you are. This makes you come across as very personable and genuine.
Know the owner
Knowing the owner of the venue immediately drastically increases your social proof. In my experience most venue owners are easy to meet and establish a friendly rapport with, here’s a very easy way to do it.
When you get good service at a bar or venue (If you are a socialite you should be going to frequenting venues that provide excellent service) ask to see the owner. When the owner comes over let them know that you experienced great service and will be coming back. Then make sure you give the owner your business card. Tell the owner you will be writing them a good review on Yelp.com or Google local, this is golden to the ears of a venue owner. They will be tripping over themselves next time you arrive at their venue to give you great service & drinks on the house.
For even more social proof introduce people to the owner, this makes them feel really special.
Drink Patron Red bull
This cocktail of potent premium liquid is very unique and makes you come across as unique and slightly adventuresome. It also gives you economic proof because everyone knows it’s not a cheap drink.
Turn your cockiness into charisma
Act slightly aloof but at the same time show a lot of interest in other people. The world is full of boring people with over inflated egos, if you are also friendly you come across as one of those rare people who actually deserve to be a little cocky. A master socialite is magnanimous, meaning that people are drawn to them because they make them feel great. The next 4 tips will explain how to do this.
Remember people’s names
The vast majority of people are terrible at this, remembering people’s names can do wonders for you in the social scene. There’s a simple memory-association method that makes it a breeze
When you meet people try to visualize something physical that sounds like their name does, go with the 1st thing that comes to mind, no matter how ridiculous… Now visualize that thing on the most prominent part of their face or physique. Here’s an table that breaks this down.
Sounds Like: Christ visualizea cross
Visualization: Visualize a cross on Chris’s large nose
Sounds Like: a beet
Visualization: Visualize a beet on betty’s fat checks
Sounds Like: a-lex visualizea Lexus
Visualization: Visualize a Lexus logo on Alex’s large adams apple
Sounds Like: Richard the Lionheart the crusader
Visualization: Visualize Richard as a crusader
Initially you will not be very good at this but if you make it point to try it on everyone you meet after a while it will become completely second nature to you and everyone will be very impressed with your seemingly effortless ability to remember names.
Tip: After you do the visualization technique make sure to use their name at least twice in the first 5 minutes of conversation. This further helps you to remember their name and also makes you seem much more genuine.
Learn how people know each other
When it’s obvious that people are friends, ask how they know each other. Here’s my favorite line
‘How do you know this character’
The knowledge about how people are connected will frequently be useful to you later on as well.
‘Tell me something interesting about yourself’
This is a golden line, everyone (worth talking too) has those interesting things about themselves that they don’t get to share nearly as much as they would like to. I’ve found this information is also very useful later.
Compliment people publicly
As you notice praiseworthy or interesting qualities of your friends and acquaintances wait until you are in a public setting in front of other people to compliment them. This makes you seem magnanimous and gives you that rare quality of charisma.
Kiss women’s hands
When you meet a friendly, single woman, in a slightly less than professional setting do this.
- As you shake her hand and cup you other hand over hers.
- Then lift her hand up and kiss the back of her hand.
- Make sure your lips are slightly and look into her eyes as you kiss her hand
Very bondesque, very few men are confident enough to do this.
Give everyone a business card
After you meet anyone hand them a business card, this makes it clear that you are at least important enough to have a business card and it also sets you up as the dominant one in the conversation. I use this simple line ‘Here’s my card, I give people cards. I’ll trade you if you got one!‘. Sometimes giving someone a card can turn a boring conversation into a lead generation opportunity when they learn what you do.
Whether it’s a phone call, a text message, an email or social media message only directly invite people once to a party. After that make sure that their friends (your mutual friends) are inviting them. The philosophy behind this comes from marketing 101, the more times and different media that people hear about your party through the more likely they are to come.
The reality is that we live in a world where people make a lot of judgments about you based upon the way you look, this is especially true in the socialite scene.
Gents – Wear a suit, yeah I know suits aren’t terribly comfortable but a suit makes a loud clear statement, I do things important enough in life that I wear a suit. Unless it’s a really swanky function I do not recommend a tie though. I recommend leaving the top bottom on the suit undone, women find this look very sexy. I recommend buying your suits at Express for Men where they run around $300, I bought a suit about 4 years ago at there. I’m amazed at the amount of compliments I get on it after all the drinks that have been spilled on it and all the adventures it’s been through over time.
Ladies – I’d recommend a cocktail dress, there is truly no better way to strike the delicate balance between sexy and classy than with a cocktail dress. If it’s more a business setting a lady suit is fine. Also get yourself a small purse for when you are going out. Women who are out socializing with large purses are just clumsy looking.
Talking about what you do
The mark of a master socialite is someone who can hold an engaging conversation without telling people right away what you do for work or business. The trick is to carry on the conversation and hint that you do something important or interesting without revealing exactly what you or how much money you make. This is how to increase you mystery quotient.
If it’s a flirtatious conversation, be ambiguous yet funny
What I do is incredibly interesting, I’m very good at and I’m passionate about it. If you get me started I will go all night. Let’s talk about… (something humorous, something else)
I sell dreams
Mention something related to work but then change the subject
I have a client… who does that
I read/wrote a blog/article/interview etc on that topic
If it’s a professional, networking kind of conversation you should have a well prepared elevator speech (This is a pitch of what you do that you could make in less than 60 seconds, or approximately the duration of an elevator ride). I also like the line…
Also if you meet someone who is in your same industry, if you can pull it off in a humorous way
Q: So what do you do?
A: Well, I compete with you!
Swing dancing is a great way to lively up an event. If no one is dancing and you want to get the party started it’s NOT a good idea to start by bump & grinding on the dancefloor. Grab somebody and by doing a few moves. Swing dancing established you as someone who is fun, confident, classy and talented. If you don’t know how to swing dance watch this video for some ideas of fun, easy moves. Search on Youtube: Swing Dancing to learn some easy moves.
A lot of socialite activities (Eating, drinking, smoking) make your breath stink. So bring gum and also offer it to other people. FYI: If you buy your gum in large packs in the candy aisle of a grocery store it’s about 1/3 the cost of buying individual packs at the register or at gas station.
If you smoke…
Bum cigarettes from people. Here’s why, smoking is a very social activity and it’s an awesome ice breaker. When you bum cigarettes from a stranger use this line
Excuse me, I’m trying to start(smoking) do you mind if I bum a cigarette from you?
This is a hilarious yet slightly horrific thing to say so people will quickly forget whatever irritation they have with you for bumming their cigarettes.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Make sure you have gum and a drink after you smoke, that way you cover your nasty cigarette breath. FYI: Nonsmokers find conversations with smokers very unpleasant, especially if you are a few inches away from each other in a loud nightclub.
Propose a Toast
When you are with a group of three propose a toast to celebrate your camaraderie. The ideal time to do this is after something funny has been said or at a high energy moment in the conversation. I personally recommend proposing using the most clever cocktail toast ever (Google it).
Give interesting facts
A socialite punctuates their conversations with poignant, relevant facts. If you have a low level of interesting facts I would suggest spending a five minutes every day surfing these websites
Use social media
I list this at the bottom because it should be obvious. Socialites are very well connected and popular on the internet. Go on Facebook and look for groups and pages in your city relating to
- Professional Networking
Join these groups and start by making friends with admin or creator of the group. Then start to make more friends with the other members. As you get more connected within this group more of its members will start friend requesting you! Repeat this process with other groups. If you are feeling especially bold start your own group/fan page & categorize under on the interest areas I have listed above. Now people will really be friend requesting you!
21 Tips for Being a Master Socialite